Tuesday, 15 April 2014

M is for the Mr's

In my more melancholic days I regard every past relationship as a mistake. I look at everything that they could have been and see them as a failure. But as the saying goes you should learn from your mistakes so here is what I have learned from some of the Mr's

MR EX - He taught me that love doesn't mean forever and the power of reflection. He taught me that I'm not perfect and to never give up on yourself or your friends. He taught me that I didn't need him. He taught me that I can be bitter sometimes and bitter isn't pretty.

MR COMPLICATED - He brought me the courage to start this blog. He taught me that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He taught me that just because someone makes you feel sexy it doesn't necessarily mean that you want them to. He taught me that I cannot separate my emotions and that respect matters.

MR NOBODY - He taught me that even a nobody can mean a lot even though I tried to convince myself that he didn't. He taught me that spontaneity is not always a good thing and that there is safety in everyday habits but to be spontaneous sometimes feels really good. He taught me that if you don't feel confident to introduce him to your friends then he probably isn't for you.

What have you learnt from your past relationships?

Monday, 14 April 2014

L is for Liar, Liar

Let me set the scene. It's circa 2007 and I'm in high school. I think I am incredibly fat although I would cut off my right leg to me that skinny right now (and I'd still probably weigh more). I used to think I was quiet and shy but thinking back I was definitely not, I was gobby, loud and more than a little attention seeking. Basically I was a teenage girl.

Parents do not read this ... well if you are a parent you can read it but my parents definitely stay away. My dad won't be reading this and my mum will pretend she hasn't but she will. Hey mum.

I had a bit of a reputation which if I'm honest was mostly unearned and was more from the escalation of half truths and stories but yeah that reputation still existed. I had very few boyfriends at high school yet I was still known as a slut. To start with I protested and stomped my little feet but in high school stories are much better than the truth so I started my own story.

One break time someone plucked up the courage - OK it wasn't courage it was the fact that they were a cocky teenage boy - to ask me how many people I had slept with so I thought of the biggest number possible and sarcastically stated "11". Either my sarcasm really needed to be worked on or people will believe anything but that was the new story. They just nodded and reacted as if this the most normal thing they could have expected. Everyone believed it, even my good friends didn't really question it and it became one of those facts about me. You know like in Mean Girls - it was a "she made out with a hot dog moment" Considering I was fourteen maybe, 11 is the most ridiculous number ever. Where would I have met these people? I mean 11, I still haven't slept with 11 people and I'm 22. I may never sleep with 11 different people in my whole life, I know that many people will not. But this is still one of the "facts" that people will probably remember me for from high school.

I finally told one of my best friends the truth last year and we laughed a lot. Of course it was ridiculous but high school was ridiculous. 

My name is Toyota and I hadn't slept with 11 people by the age of fourteen

Sorry for lying high school buddies - but hey you believed me!!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Book Review - Birthdays for the Dead - Stuart MacBride

"Detective Constable Ash Henderson has a dark secret…
Five years ago his daughter, Rebecca, went missing on the eve of her thirteenth birthday. A year later the first card arrived: homemade, with a Polaroid picture stuck to the front – Rebecca, strapped to a chair, gagged and terrified. Every year another card: each one worse than the last.
The tabloids call him ‘The Birthday Boy’. He’s been snatching girls for twelve years, always in the run-up to their thirteenth birthday, sending the families his homemade cards showing their daughters being slowly tortured to death.
But Ash hasn’t told anyone about Rebecca’s birthday cards – they all think she’s just run away from home – because if anyone finds out, he’ll be taken off the investigation. And he’s sacrificed too much to give up before his daughter’s killer gets what he deserves…"

If you don't like murder/crime books then this book probably sounds absolutely awful! But it's my type of book, it's my chic flick or rom com or whatever that type of book is called rather than the film format. I can just read a murder book, you don't have to think too much, it doesn't take too long to read and most of them are pretty good.

This book idea is pretty gruesome, books involving children generally are the more difficult ones to read, but it doesn't really go into the deaths that much and is more based on the investigation and the affect this has on Ash. I didn't really like Ash all the time but I think that's the point. He is a bit of a bent cop and has a really strong Scottish accent which at the beginning as a Southerner I found very hard to understand and nearly made me give up on the book. Even though I didn't like Ash all the time, he was a real person with flaws but also a strong need to protect those around him.

MacBride builds suspense really well throughout the book and til the very end I had no idea who the killer was going to be. However I do think that the conclusion was all a bit too quick and didn't really explain as to why everything had happened. It felt a little like he had run out of time at the end and just finished it compared to the long time he had spent building up characters and their relationships. Considering Ash spent five years trying to find the killer and goes to pretty extreme lengths in the pursuit of the truth when he finds out the identity of the killer he's a bit meh.

All in all a good book but not necessarily my favourite

Saturday, 12 April 2014

K is for Kiss & Tell

This post describes exactly how I feel at the moment. Where was this yesterday when I wrote about juggling? 

Today I kissed the cutest boy... on the cheek only but that was good enough

He has curly hair and the most infectious laugh.

He makes me happy and I wish I saw him more.

He has an insatiable thirst for knowledge and an obsession with gaming.

He makes my heart melt.

Look at this little face....

Friday, 11 April 2014

J is for Juggling

I'm not very good at juggling... physically and metaphorically.

That's why I am typing this post half asleep late while half watching CSI and reading my emails. Sometimes I wish I could give something my whole attention rather than a bit of it, maybe it would mean that I would get more out of what I do. I worry that I am doing too much at a mediocre level.

I want to have a good career so working hard and doing that bit extra sometimes is what I expect of myself but I also want to have a social life. I want to lead full, fulfilling and busy days but I also want to sleep. I want to be seen as a nice person but I don't want to be walked all over. I want to eat lots of nice food but I don't want to be the size of a house. I want to be skinny but I don't want to obsessed with food or spend hours in the gym.

Maybe I'd be better at juggling if I didn't want so much but you only have one life so you might as well strive for the best, hey?

At least it's Friday and this seal is very very cute!!

Thursday, 10 April 2014

I is for Imaginary Conversations

Off topic I have a new mattress, I'm not sure I like it, it's too squishy!

I think one of the reasons I like blogging is because it lets me voice my inner monologue. I don't have a special someone that I can vent to and even if I don't give away too much of the details just thinking through stressful or emotional situations can really help me sort out how I feel. Another thing that I find helps is having an imaginary conversation.

Let me explain. Lets say for example something has gone wrong at work and your boss has blamed you even though you don't think it's your fault. I'm not very good at stepping back and not letting this get to me but I know that you can't call your boss an idiot and expect to have a job in the morning. So what I will do is say all the things I want to say in a conversation in my head, generally in the car on the way home. You can get all those emotions out without anyone ever hearing you. It also helps when you know a certain conversation is going to happen. You are going for a meeting with a really difficult client who will hop on any mistake and hesitation you make and make you want to cry or smack him in his smug little face or a mixture of both. However if I have already had the conversation in my head then I always feel more prepared. 

Imaginary conversations are not limited to the good. Sometimes I have conversations where I run over what I should have said instead of what I did say. Obviously you can't plan every conversation and interaction in life and when I have reacted badly or stupidly I punish myself with imaginary conversations. I'm not perfect.

I'm pretty sure talking to myself in my head doesn't make me crazy although you might think different!! Today I was told I was probably mildly dyslexic as I often write number sequences the wrong way round, I'm not sure I believe them.